Friggin’ hormones, I hate the friggin’ things, they have this ability to turn me into a bumbling fool! I am feeling particularly teafull today, god know’s why so i’m blaming those damn hormones and that silly cow Aunt Flo! Boy is she giving me a run for my money…
I feel sad for a girl here at work aswell (for you Bumble – Zanne) she has also been on a long road fertility wise and been to different dr’s and given different opinions. She has finally found a new guy and he did her lapscope yesterday, she let me know this morning that they have removed endometriosis and everything else seems fine, now they have to test her hubby. I’m just sad for them cos I know how hard this is and how long a road they may have ahead of them, I was hoping that they’d say that she was fine and just have something easier to control/fix…does any of this make sense….I don’t want people to have to do this and feel how we feel…there is just so much of it….
Also, a friend of mine at work (which just happens to be 24 weeks pregnant with her second child after having sex once and the day after O – but let’s NOT GO THERE!!) has just told me that a friend of her’s (again – for you Bumble – Renalda) is 5 weeks pregnant with her second one aswell…she gives me this schpeel about how she know’s exactly when she conceived as they hardly have sex, they had sex once and of-course she knew she was ovulating….oh how nice…..sigh. And so, as life has it – I am happy for yet another fertile person and my heart is breaking for me…and every other infertile out there. I think to myself “be rational, WTF are you crying about, you aren’t even trying….” but my heart you see, she opened the door ever so slightly and let just a little bit of hope in, and then hope…well, she affected my thoughts, and then I thought…that maybe, just maybe, it could happen when we were “taking a break”….oh the joys.
I’m back in that lonely place they call infertilty, friggin’ sitting here wondering what the fuck went wrong….how the fuck did we get here….fuck, fuck, fuck I tell you!
Just excuse me…Tomorrow will be better, I will still be infertile, but I will be better….