Frank and I are having “issues” re IF…Now I think that it’s pretty normal to start losing your sense of humour here, it came as a surprise to me that he thinks all this life consists of is….
Wait for it…..
Jerking off in a bottle….
Now that’s a nice one Darling!
Let me also tell you that there was alcohol was also involved in this revelation, and the timing was not good. Like I said in my previous post, we are tired…tired of everything…including IF even tho we taking a break – you all know what it’s like….most the time we faking a break…because all the anxiety is still there, IF never goes away, friggin’ hell…it just never leaves you in peace…and that’s all we want…just a little bit of peace.
I have already started worrying about my next cycle and maybe the tension involved in this is my fault…because I can’t just leave well enough alone, Frank thinks we taking a break…and we are, but I don’t want any loose ends and I like to plan, it keeps me going you see.
Anyway, I have worked out that our next IUI will fall on the the 6th and 7th of April (hopefully not later but a day or two sooner would be most welcomed) and you see, we have a wedding on the 7th – not just any wedding, the wedding of one of Frank’s best friends, in fact he is his best man….and so Frank met Marco for drinks and came home just a little sozzled, I asked what was happening on the day etc and Frank said that Marco wanted him to stay over on the Friday night…I said…oh dear, this may be a problem and he asked why (nevermind the fact that I had already raised this issue with him to which he replied that we were taking a break and he didn’t want to think about it right now…mmmmn) and I said that our IUI would probably fall on the Friday and Saturday so I might….need him more than Marco that morning but that it wouldn’t take that long and seeing as tho the wedding is only at 3, he’d have plenty of time to be with Marco….and then I got the whole schpeel about life being so hard and the frustration of this happening to us and why and….i’m sure you guys need not hear anymore…you know the drill (the same questions we have asked many times).
So instead of trying to understand how he feels, i go off and tell him that if he doesn’t want to do this anymore than he should just tell me. We end it there.
The next morning (Fri) he pretends nothing has happened (like men do) until he gets to the office and walks into my office….he sees i’m not fine. Eventually he comes back and tells me that he is sorry and that he is just tired and he didn’t mean what he said (alchohol and all) and that he still wants to do this it’s just that he’s sick of everything revolving around IF – I am too but what can you do? I tell him that this is not set in stone, anything can happen and that the dates for the IUI can change depending on this cycle but that my cycles have been so steady and this is most likely when it will happen and that I just want him to be prepared, I want him to tell me if he wants to wait another month if this is going to be an issue…just a heads up if you will.
He tells me that he’s sick of waiting too and that we will go ahead with the IUI next month and we’ll take it as it comes….everything is sorted and I do feel much better. I hate what this does, will anything ever be normal again?
Yet another life change that IF brings….in many ways IF has brought us closer than ever, I love Frank dearly and can’t wait to see him holding our baby….I don’t always love how IF affects us…but it’s not all bad, we’ll get through this even stronger than before.