On our way to the dr’s this morning (with Frank’s sperm sample firmly between my breasts), we were listening to the radio. On came a song that I have always loved, a song that made me want to weep….it goes something like this….

All that I want…
is stillness of heart…
so I can start…
to find a way…
out of the dark…

…And so it dawned on me, that’s what I really want, stillness of heart. I know that there is only one thing that can still my aching heart….I need not say it, all of you understand it so very well.

On another note, I am pleased to say that the IUI went off very well today, I didn’t get a cuppa or a blankie but we had some good swimmers….40 mil per ml, which brings us to 120 – 160 mil for today, not sure what the motility was like but the Dr’s seemed happy. They also worked really fast with the sperm wash and the sample was put back in before 2 hrs (1 hr to get to the dr’s and 45 mins to wash) from producing the sample had passed. This is the best time we’ve ever had, normally we wait about and 1 – 2 for the wash and Dr to be ready….so the boys were nice and “fresh”!!

I am also pleased to say that for a change my grumpy cervix was ready and willing, nice and low and opened up nicely for Mr. Duck!! The IUI itself was a bit sore but always is as I feel the catheter going in quite deep, it’s a funny, strange sensation and the thing I like the least about IUI’s. Dr was very apologetic but said that it was good as it shows that they got to where they were supposed to be, explained in detail (in which I got lost) as to why it hurt. I am still cramping on an off, which is usual for me after an IUI ~ I told you, I have a grumpy cervix and prolly a grumpy ute too, they don’t like been fiddled with!! I think Mr. Duck scares them 🙂

Last one for this round tomorrow and it’ll also be O day!! Let’s hope that Frank’s swimmers are as ready and willing and that all goes off smoothly again. Then it’s onto the lovely progesterone suppositories and hopefully our last IUI 2ww.

I am starting to think that Frank and I have come to some kind of agreement on this being our last IUI, of-course we are hoping that this one works but if not then we will be moving onto IVF. Not exactly sure when as we would have to sort out our finances and get our heads around everything but we will cross that bridge if we get to it….

I am feeling good, I am going to try and practice what I preech and go with the flow, like I said to Bumble, we have no control now, we have done the best we can do (given our circumstances) and the rest is not up to us anymore, the outcome….i’m afraid, has already been decided on.

For now, I hope and pray that one day there will be stillness of heart….

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