For those of you who couldn’t get onto Bumble’s site and didn’t see her comment on my last post….my beta was negative.

I’m back from leave and feeling quite relaxed and rested, today is my first day back at work and I would be lying if I say that I am happy to be back, I still feel a bit strange and could have done with some more time just to feel a little stronger, the people that we did tell are all having withdrawal and obviously want details as they too haven’t heard much since my sms. I don’t have details, it is still hard to talk about it and say, “well….yes, everything went well, it should have worked but it didn’t”

You all know what it’s like, they don’t know why, they don’t really tell you much just that it didn’t work and that they are sorry. My follow up appointment was supposed to be Wednesday last week but since we were away we had to move it and subsequently had to move it again so my follow up is only on the 29th. I’m okay with that, it’s really not a matter of urgency, it failed….I can’t see what they are going to say that they didn’t say last time. This time I have a list of questions of my own tho…

We had a good holiday, found strength in each other and rested well. I must say that I found it much easier being away from everyone and being able to grieve on our own and in our own time. We’re still sad, we’re tired of all this and we trying to build up the strength to move on but move on and be stronger we will. We have spoken about doing the next fresh cycle and are probably looking at Jan/Feb next year, it seems so early to talk about it but as you all know, it does help just a little bit to have a plan.

The thought of having to do a fresh cycle scares me to death, I was really hoping that I’d never have to go there again, I hated the needles, I hated everything about IVF, I only realized afterwards how hard it was. But so be it, we don’t really have any other choice, it’s that or making peace with not having children and I’m not ready for that just yet.

I’m not sure if I should try something different this time round, any info improving egg quality will be highly appreciated. Thank you all for all your heartfelt comments, it really does help, I know that you all feel our pain.

I haven’t had time to catch up on everyone just yet but will be dropping by your blogs in the next few days!! It’s good to be back in blogland!