Well people, I’m back. Back in the land of the living…..
So, last week went well. I had my lap on Tuesday at about 3pm…the lovely Dr V held my hand while they put me to sleep, I was so bloody nervous you’d think I was a first timer!!! Basically, it was short and sweet (well maybe not that sweet – but you get the gist). The polyp removal went well, very well because it was no longer there anymore since 90% of polyps come away by themselves (yes, I didn’t know that either – bloody annoying I tell ya!) but in anycase, the lap needed to be done so that Dr V could clean up the polyp site since it does leave behind some scar tissue. He also found a “dark spot” which was removed and sent for biopsy but other then that he said that I had best uterus he’d seen that day!! He also told me that he would never perform another lapscope on me again since in his opinion 5 is way over the top (tell me about it). Apparently it wasn’t in my file that this was my 5th one but what was in my file (which I didn’t know either) was that I had the same polyp episode in 2006 with my last op – go figure! Dr V says that there was no sight of endo and he doesn’t expect it to come back at all, he also said that my uterus is in surprisingly good condition to spite all the ops I’ve had. Minimal scar tissue as well. So we’re all happy.
I recovered very well from this op, could be due to the fact that I wasn’t under long and there was minimal cutting inside. My cuts are healing nicely but the one in my belly button has been weeping a bit since I had my stitches out on Friday, probably due to all the scar tissue in there….
So all is well in the land of Tam & Frank then is it? Well, to make a long story short – yes. We do have some descisions to make, Dr V wants to know when we’re starting treatment again and you know the feelings I have been having on that. Sam, however, kindly pointed out the fact that I wouldn’t have had this op if I wasn’t thinking about future treatment….mmmm, okay so we told him we weren’t considering treatment this year. He told me that he would like to put me on the pill until we decide we’re ready, mmmm, problem No. 1. Although I wasn’t considering treatment any time soon, I was hoping for a miraculous conception somewhere along the line…I didn’t need to tell Dr V that, he totally gets this. He said it’s completely up to us, the only reason he would like me on the pill is because (another thing I didn’t know) polyp’s are likely to come back within 90% of patients (which I have proven does happen with me) and he would like to keep my ute pollyp and growth free until further treatment. He did however say that he understands that I would be denying myself that chance of conceiving naturally but that it was probably in my best interest to be on the pill. Frank and I haven’t spoken about this this, firstly because I’m not even half was thru my cycle and secondly, neither of us really feels like discussing the future in terms of fertility. We will need to but it can wait a while longer, we see Dr V on Friday for our follow up anyway, we’ll throw some idea’s around there as well as get an idea of what kind of treatment we will be doing if we decide to go that route again, I’m not messing around anymore people, should we do another treatment I want it to be aggressive.
We had our monthly book club, the meeting of the legendry secrets of the devine sisterhood and divine it was, these chicks really rock, if I’ve gained one thing thru this journey, it’s life-long friendships that I will always cherish. Thank you every single on of you, you are all very special! Here’s a pic of me on Friday night with little Jaz, she is just the sweetest!!
In other news – today a year ago was one of the hardest days I’ve had along this journey. Today a year ago, we had to choose between 3 blasts, 3 babies (in my mind). My heart still aches as I think back to that day, as I think of how my heart was broken because we had made the descision to only put two back. I will always remember that feeling, I felt like I was abandoning my baby – even worse than that because I wasn’t even giving it a chance, I cried so on that transfer table while Dr G held my face in his hands telling me to believe. Today could have been so different, today instead of going out shopping for shoes I didn’t really need but wanted because somehow shopping fills an empty void for me, I could have been cuddled up at home with two babies, two 3 month old babies. It doesn’t matter to me that it wasn’t meant to be and it never will, I will always remember them and when I think of them I will always wonder how different it could have been. And so today I shed a tear for all of you, all seven of my little ones that never made it but will always have a special place in my heart….
But, my life is still full of love and these little monsters make me smile everyday!!