It has begun. The final countdown that is….

This will hopefully be our last wait. The last wait to finish the pill, the last wait for AF to arrive, the last wait to start stims and probably the longest wait to test that I will encouter in my life!

Frank is almost half way thru his Menopur shots, I have started my last pack of the pill and had a scan and bloods. Stephan wants to do an office hysteroscopy since he’s not convinced that my uterus is polyp free even tho the scan shows nothing. I love this man for double checking since we’d hate to do this and have implantation fail because of a polyp so I’ll be going for that tomorrow. Since the last one left me all shaky from the pain, Stephan has prescribed something to be taken for pain and something to relax me an hour before the procedure. Please pray I am polyp free.

Then we wait some more…Frank will be having a “swim up & morphology” check in about 2 weeks time, my last pill will taken the day before and then I’ll start stims and Intralipid on day 2.

Stephan has decided to tweak my protocol a bit. Last time I stimmed for 10 days with a mixture of Gonal F, Luveris & Cetrotide. I got 15 eggs but my E2 was less desireable than we would have liked apparently indicating lower egg quality than my first IVF. I had better egg quality with my first IVF but the fert rate wasn’t good because of the FSH issue with Frank not being treated. This last time, even tho we had a 100% fert rate the egg quality was more of an issue (as indicated by lower E2 levels), this time we hope that they are both good. So, I’ll be on 5 days Gonal F then I’ll switch to Menopur and cetrotide I suppose to try and up the E2 and maybe help with no over-stimulation.

If everything goes according to plan, our GIFT will be performed before the end of March which leads to the longest wait ever….a 17 day wait to beta….heaven help me.

I’d be lying to you if I told you that I am excited and hopeful, obviously there is a small amount of hope somewhere because if there wasn’t, we wouldn’t be doing this. I am scared of the same outcome even tho this is so different because this might very well be our last treatment. Realisticly we can’t just keep going, we are running out of options because what comes after GIFT? Hopefully we wont have to find out.

Being back at VL the other day brought back so many feelings, reminders of beta days and the heartache we have felt over the time we have been there. We met a couple there this week, a couple that were there for their first appointment – they were all wide eyed and hopeful, shiney and new, holding hands, so sweet and innocent. I long to have that back, the loss of innocence makes me so sad. I don’t want to associate my clinic with these feelings, feelings of loss and heartache because I know that they help people, they make peoples dreams come true and I’m hoping that this GIFT will restore my faith, I have hoping that this time it’s my turn to be on the otherside of the statistics. It’s been 5 long years and I’m ready for it to end now.

This is unchartered teritory people, we are venturing into the unknown here and it’s intimidating to say the least. My dear friend Sam (please go over and give her some love) is in the almost 3ww to her beta, watching her go thru this has been hard but also good because it’s given me some insight into GIFT and like I’ve been telling her, there is no reason why this shouldn’t work for both of us, I just hope that the powers that be are listening!!

My other two babies continue to bring us so much joy, they are as spoilt as ever but really the light of our lives! Here’s a pic that makes them look like the most well behaved dogs on the planet!!