Like I said in yesterday’s post, I love my Dr, I really really do.

I know my body, I ALWAYS know when something is wrong, when I have a polyp my cycles go all screwy, I have strange pains and on and off spotting so having this hysteroscopy today really felt like a waste of time. I woke this morning, had a shower and got ready to go to VL, made sure I took my meds that Stephan prescribed just before we left home. I could feel them taking effect as we drove thru the traffic to get there, I started yawning and all Frank was getting from me were one word answers. I was nervous and not happy to be there at all.

As I lay down on the bed with Stephan getting the stirrups ready, Stephan said “please let this little man on my shoulder be wrong”. I laughed and said that I hoped he was wrong too and that I really thought that there was nothing there since my cycles have been fine and the only pain I’ve had recently was from my period which were quite intense but nothing other than that. The pain was a lot more bearable this time, altho I could still feel everything and as Stephan started to insert the hysteroscope, I started to cry. Frank was so sweet and was holding my face telling me it was all going to be fine. I think I was just so scared because last time was so bad and I so desperately wanted it all to be fine for once.

They told me to look at the screen and there they were.  According to Stephan, two of the largest polyps I have ever had. I lay there, all confused. How could this be? I’ve had no symptoms of this, Stephan said that it’s because i’ve been on the pill and that controls your cycles and bleeding to a large extent. I asked why this happens, how come the pill didn’t stop this from happening, he said that once again, I seem to fall into the 10% of women who things don’t work the way they supposed to for. He says that the polyps are in the same place every single time. Apparently polyps form from excess estrogen, the area that they are forming in is obviously just more susceptible to estrogen than the rest of my womb.

So, since this is only the second office hysteroscopy that I have had in the 3 and a half years at VL, Stephan thinks that this might very well be the reason for all my failed cycles. Polyps affect implantation and since these two polyps (as big as they are) didn’t come up on a scan it makes sense that this could have been ongoing. The two laps I have had at VL involved a hysteroscopy and polypectomy aswell. The only reason Stephan saw the polyp last time is because it showed up on a scan and then he insisted on a hysterocopy and once he went back in my file he discovered that it wasn’t the first one (since Dr J used to be my Dr and he didn’t tell me that there where polyps either).

Many polyps come away with a period, like my last one. Unfortunately they leave behind a site in your uterus that they were attached to which needs to be cleaned up hence the fact that Stephan now believes this might have been the issue all along – right from the beginning with our timed and IUI cycles, even our IVF’s.

I’m not a happy bunny right now, I’ve cried so much today because this is all too much to take in. I’m so tired of all this, of nothing ever going according to plan. Stephan is such a sweetheart and told me how sorry he is about all this (as if he could control it). I’ll be going into theatre next week Tuesday for a hysteroscopy and polypectomy, Stephan wants to proceed as planned and I’m happy with that. Delaying this GIFT will only give more time for another polyp or two to develop. I’ll go in on Tuesday and then there will still be time for my womb to heal inside before we start stimms. Hopefully this time my embryo’s will have a nice clean polyp free uterus to implant into. Please God, I am so tired of this all now.

The good news is that Stephan is happy with my AMH results, 3.29 this time round and he says it has stayed stable, all we need to do now is pray that there are not many more pages til the end of this story…