We had some friends over for a braai yesterday and everyone was drinking except me and it got me thinking about how differently we all aproach doing treatment. I have never been a heavy drinker, Frank and I drink socially more than anything else. There are days where Frank feels like he needs a drink to help him un-wind from a stressful day and on occasion I’ll have one with him but it’s not often. I don’t have anything against drinking at all but my mom and dad drank quite heavily and I think i’ve always been conscious of how much I drink because of that.

I always stop drinking before and especially during treatment. I don’t know why, it’s not like it’s helped me at all. Frank told me that he thinks it’s mind over matter, that if you think that it makes a difference then it probably will. It’s like many things in life I suppose, it’s one of the things I have always wondered on this journey, could a lot of this be mind over matter? It’s interesting to hear different opionions on this because we all go into treatment differently and sometimes we wonder if maybe doing something differently will make that difference for us.  Maybe what I should be doing is drinking up a storm 😉

We’re on day 4 of stims today and it’s going fine, this is always the easy part. I can feel that my ovaries are starting to twitch which is good, I am sure that over the next 6 days they will surely let me know that they aren’t happy. The one thing I can tell you is that I am getting the most awful headaches, nothing helps them at all and I have been instructed to take nothing stronger than panado, aargh. I’m drinking as much water as I can to try and avoid over-stim this time round which should also help with the headaches but so far nothing makes them budge. I can’t remember having this last time, I need to go back and check since it was so long ago!

I keep on thinking that there is only one of two ways that this can go (a flip of a coin as Frank says), the only difference is that one of them makes you feel like you’re dying inside. I’m trying not to think of the outcome at this stage of the game, we still have a few hurdles to get thru but I’m having dreams of failure already, I think my mind is so scared to hope that it thinks that this could be the only outcome, it’s been two nights in a row that I’ve dreamt that this GIFT has failed. I really hope that my will to have a baby is stronger than my mind….

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